Is Your Self Protection Hurting You?
It’s time to be reminded of how perfectly complete you are. Maybe you’ve needed to build coping mechanism because you’ve felt something or someone chip away at you?
I Can See That It Hurts
I watched a man struggle to make contact with a room of people this week. He was genuine, engaged, and wanting to give of himself. I was struck by how alone he appeared even though he was surrounded by people and had volunteered to be there. He seemed to be wearing the sadness and disappointments of his life as a layer on the outside of his skin. I could see his struggle to keep this layer of guilt, shame and the disappointment he directs at himself at bay.
Everyone I know in common with this man, likes him. We like to work with him, we value his insights and the time we spend with him. I think on some level he is aware of this, it feeds a confidence that draws you to him. Yet, I witnessed his position of being alone and at war with himself. I think he faces this position every day.
Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, in their beautiful song, Falling Slowly, expressed witnessing and responding to this so perfectly: You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it’s time you won. The song is a love song and one we need to sing to ourselves.
Fighting To Keep Our Emotions From Overwhelming Us
Are you this man? What does this war do for you? Being at war with yourself does not enable connections with other people, it makes them harder.
Finding purpose, peace, and contentment becomes harder because you can’t connect to things that will feed you when it’s all about you. This fight makes everything about you. You are not lacking and everything doesn’t need to be about you.
To continue warring is to lose. To win would be to accept the emotions of your life and let them move through you with the confidence that they will not break you and they do not make up everything that you are.
Keeping emotions on the outside of your skin keeps them from leaving you. Emotions need to express themselves.
When I remind you that you are complete, in this case I mean that you will experience all emotions and this is as it should be. Don’t fight to keep particular emotions away from you. As children we don’t feel badly for feeling sadness or anger or shame or disappointment, we just feel these things. We feel them and then they leave us. Do this now as an adult. Win.
Fall In Love:
Song and Lyrics: Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, The Swell Season